Old Man Rant

My university asked me to fill out a questionnaire which ended in the standard question: what age group do you belong in? 15-17, 17-21, 21-30, 30 or older.

I was a little shocked to find that I now reside in a system where I might as well be 30… On the other hand: It does give me a new right: Old man rants!

I woke up this morning and found that the world was an even less lovable place than I thought…

I can hear what you are thinking: “Another international tragedy? Deaths? Destruction? Pain or suffering?

No… Human failure on a massive scale!

I was reading the news that has been picked up by most major news outlets and it told me that people have started a petition.

Is it because the Syrian butchers are killing/maiming/gassing/torturing their own people?

No…

Is it because our homophobic, brain-frozen, eastern brethren have accepted a law that breaks the fundamental human rights?

No…

It is a petition to change the actors chosen to play the lead-characters in the ‘highly anticipated’ film, based on the worldwide best seller: 50 shades of bad writing…

Petitions are a great tool for social change and are supposed to be used by people to change the hearts and minds of their corrupted and emotionally-stunted leaders. Not a fucking movie studio! Let us look at some figured:

Petition to change the actors: over 7000 signatures (US only) and counting fast.

Petition to change the anti-gay laws: 320000 signatures (worldwide).

Petition to ask world leaders to try harder (or at all) in Syria: 66400 signatures (worldwide).

We all need a hobby but please notice that more than 10% of the people who think we should get off our ass and stop a government gassing its own people by the boat-load, are people who believe it is more important to change the faces we are about to see suspended and tied up in a dark room spanking each other…

Then realise that these people have the right to vote, in a actual elections… furthermore: most believe that their signature on this petition carries as much weight as mine would on a referendum deciding to cut social security down, again…

There should be a three-question rule at any time you have to wait or vote for something:

Question 1: did you read 50 shades of lame?

If the answer is no: please, carry on. If the answer is yes: continue to question 2

Question 2: are you a woman over the age of 53?

If yes: tell them that they can’t help themselves and congratulations on a less-deserved orgasm. If no: continue to question 3

Question 3: would you sign, or did you sign this petition?

If no: tell them to pick up their dignity and a good book on the way out.

If yes: back of the line!

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